To Be Empty Again
The past few weeks, or perhaps months, have been quite a struggle for me. My physical health has been tested again and again. And so were my principles in life. And perhaps even my pride.
I continue to struggle with repetitive frustrations. My heart could only take in so much heartbreak at a time. I feel so disappointed that I couldn't understand why all my efforts have failed me.
And now I could be struggling with a greater challenge in life. I am in tears like a little girl because my fear always came first. I fear that I may not be as strong as people think I am, that I'm just a helpless terrified girl who was too naive to see the world for what it is. I fear failure, like most people do, and the great disappointments that came with it.
When I was younger, I somehow knew what I wanted. I was independent and strong willed. But some unfortunate years have taken away my optimism. Now, I couldn't even cross the bridge without having someone to hold. I have lost a lot of myself in the process of trying to know who I was or wanted to be.
And so I write my heart out tonight. I put into words the struggles I am going through. Because somehow, as I write these words, I am able to release my negative thoughts. I am able to pour out my heart's worries and fears. I become empty again. And I pray that in my emptiness I can be filled with faith, hope and love once more.
I continue to struggle with repetitive frustrations. My heart could only take in so much heartbreak at a time. I feel so disappointed that I couldn't understand why all my efforts have failed me.
And now I could be struggling with a greater challenge in life. I am in tears like a little girl because my fear always came first. I fear that I may not be as strong as people think I am, that I'm just a helpless terrified girl who was too naive to see the world for what it is. I fear failure, like most people do, and the great disappointments that came with it.
When I was younger, I somehow knew what I wanted. I was independent and strong willed. But some unfortunate years have taken away my optimism. Now, I couldn't even cross the bridge without having someone to hold. I have lost a lot of myself in the process of trying to know who I was or wanted to be.
And so I write my heart out tonight. I put into words the struggles I am going through. Because somehow, as I write these words, I am able to release my negative thoughts. I am able to pour out my heart's worries and fears. I become empty again. And I pray that in my emptiness I can be filled with faith, hope and love once more.
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