Finding Directions
If there was anything I was able to realize late last year, that was finding myself on the verge of a Quarter-Life Crisis.
I sometimes found myself lost in my office desk staring blankly at my laptop. I just felt lost in general. I know that there is something wrong but I couldn't quite comprehend it at first. I'd make myself some coffee to be able to recover and get back to work. There are times when I am superb and there are times that I am just okay. But this feeling has been bothering me for a while. I have all those thoughts that I've been pushing aside because I need to focus on my priorities. The question is, do I really have my priorities right?
I think there was one week when I pushed myself so hard that I was no longer able to recover. My body could no longer keep up with the mental fatigue and the stresses of constant travelling. The burnout would occasionally reflect in my health. It was my decision to move to Cebu since it was more practical for me in terms of work. I was okay being independent and living alone. But soon enough I was not able to cope up with the emotional detachment from family and close friends. It was also difficult to establish new social groups when there's always overtime during weekdays and your body is shutting down to rest on weekends. I had no motivation. No direction. No plans. Everybody thought I was doing okay. Deep inside, I was having an internal decay. Some psychologists call it blackout.
So I finally mustered all the courage I could to resign. I loved my job. It was a dream job that you could really be proud of. But sometimes, there are things in life that outweigh the material benefits and pride. I knew I needed to rest. Ever since I was in high school, all I did was to sprint from one thing to the next. I always kept myself busy, too busy I suppose. Maybe this time, I should give myself the rest that I needed. A vacation or indefinite leave would not be able to give me peace of mind. I had enough resources and have no responsibilities yet. My family and close friends supported and understood my decision. Everything was well discerned. All I needed was the courage to say goodbye.
It was difficult to say goodbye to my bosses who patiently mentored me. It was sad to leave behind the people I worked with. We struggled together and our projects were our team babies. We saw it grow from land to topping-off. But I know that in order to begin again, I have to say goodbye. I know they can move on without me and I can move forward on my own. I was sure now. I need this, to stop for a while, reevaluate myself and find directions.
My boss asked me, if I had a boyfriend in the new city, would I still have resigned? The answer is: I don't think so. Having a partner would have changed everything then. There would be motivation and inspiration to move. There would have been something to look forward to after work. There would be someone to talk to during weekends aside from the lobby guard and the salesladies in the mall. I wouldn't have to eat dinners or watch movies alone. I probably would've been motivated to join fun runs and marathons on Sundays.
Actually, I have a boyfriend now whom I met in Cebu. We knew each other since high school but we were never close until we decided to see each other along some other batchmates during Sinulog festival. But the irony is that, had I not resigned, I never would have pushed for the South Cebu excursion. It was during our trek from Osmena Peak to Kawasan falls that we became extremely close.
So here I am, finally home after so much drama and complications. I said my goodbyes and left behind so many stuff and memories. I thank God for my very supportive and loving parents. They are my rock to which I am rooted. I am also grateful for finding a loving and understanding boyfriend. He also returned to Davao but is currently in Singapore for a short trip. Being with him feels like anything is possible.
So far, being with the people I love has helped me find myself again, set new goals, and find directions. I don't feel lost anymore. My long rest has allowed me to regain the energy I needed to happily move on with the next chapter of my life. I am excited to face the future and all its possibilities, especially now that I have someone special to share it with. I feel that the phase in my life called Quarter-Life Crisis is now beginning to end.
I sometimes found myself lost in my office desk staring blankly at my laptop. I just felt lost in general. I know that there is something wrong but I couldn't quite comprehend it at first. I'd make myself some coffee to be able to recover and get back to work. There are times when I am superb and there are times that I am just okay. But this feeling has been bothering me for a while. I have all those thoughts that I've been pushing aside because I need to focus on my priorities. The question is, do I really have my priorities right?
I think there was one week when I pushed myself so hard that I was no longer able to recover. My body could no longer keep up with the mental fatigue and the stresses of constant travelling. The burnout would occasionally reflect in my health. It was my decision to move to Cebu since it was more practical for me in terms of work. I was okay being independent and living alone. But soon enough I was not able to cope up with the emotional detachment from family and close friends. It was also difficult to establish new social groups when there's always overtime during weekdays and your body is shutting down to rest on weekends. I had no motivation. No direction. No plans. Everybody thought I was doing okay. Deep inside, I was having an internal decay. Some psychologists call it blackout.
So I finally mustered all the courage I could to resign. I loved my job. It was a dream job that you could really be proud of. But sometimes, there are things in life that outweigh the material benefits and pride. I knew I needed to rest. Ever since I was in high school, all I did was to sprint from one thing to the next. I always kept myself busy, too busy I suppose. Maybe this time, I should give myself the rest that I needed. A vacation or indefinite leave would not be able to give me peace of mind. I had enough resources and have no responsibilities yet. My family and close friends supported and understood my decision. Everything was well discerned. All I needed was the courage to say goodbye.
It was difficult to say goodbye to my bosses who patiently mentored me. It was sad to leave behind the people I worked with. We struggled together and our projects were our team babies. We saw it grow from land to topping-off. But I know that in order to begin again, I have to say goodbye. I know they can move on without me and I can move forward on my own. I was sure now. I need this, to stop for a while, reevaluate myself and find directions.
My boss asked me, if I had a boyfriend in the new city, would I still have resigned? The answer is: I don't think so. Having a partner would have changed everything then. There would be motivation and inspiration to move. There would have been something to look forward to after work. There would be someone to talk to during weekends aside from the lobby guard and the salesladies in the mall. I wouldn't have to eat dinners or watch movies alone. I probably would've been motivated to join fun runs and marathons on Sundays.
Actually, I have a boyfriend now whom I met in Cebu. We knew each other since high school but we were never close until we decided to see each other along some other batchmates during Sinulog festival. But the irony is that, had I not resigned, I never would have pushed for the South Cebu excursion. It was during our trek from Osmena Peak to Kawasan falls that we became extremely close.
So here I am, finally home after so much drama and complications. I said my goodbyes and left behind so many stuff and memories. I thank God for my very supportive and loving parents. They are my rock to which I am rooted. I am also grateful for finding a loving and understanding boyfriend. He also returned to Davao but is currently in Singapore for a short trip. Being with him feels like anything is possible.
So far, being with the people I love has helped me find myself again, set new goals, and find directions. I don't feel lost anymore. My long rest has allowed me to regain the energy I needed to happily move on with the next chapter of my life. I am excited to face the future and all its possibilities, especially now that I have someone special to share it with. I feel that the phase in my life called Quarter-Life Crisis is now beginning to end.
Comments
Post a Comment