on the Verge of

Years after quitting my last corporate job, I found myself working for the academe. And while the pay was substantially lower, it was a fulfilling work that gave me peace and purpose. It wasn't something I could call work-life balance, but it was meaningful work for me. However, late last year, I was given an opportunity to work remotely for a US company. It would utilize my real estate, project management, and industrial engineering background and provide a reasonable compensation. But it meant giving up my career of being a full time professor and doing full time graveyard consultation work. At first, the learning curve was okay. There were days when it would get stressful, but it was reasonable. And while the graveyard shift was a great sacrifice for me, what I earned was enough to allow me to dream of other investments while being able to provide for my mom as well. But come last month... I was back in the US, this time with my mom, to visit my sister and her family. Although I...

This year, my husband and I had the great opportunity to visit his family in the states, specifically in Ohio. The trip was out of our plans and caught us off guard. Nonetheless, we were grateful for all the unexpected blessings we received that allowed us to make this trip a reality, especially the approval of our 10yr multiple-entry tourist visa. Aside from staying at and getting familiar with Ohio, we also visited the states of New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Louisiana, and California, as well Washington DC. Of course, we had to stop by the mandatory tourist spots like Niagara Falls, Statue of Liberty, Independence Hall, Lincoln memorial, and so much more. For me, Washington DC was the most memorable place we visited, considering all the monumental places we went to that felt like straight out of a postcard. We also ate a lot, and I mean a LOT, of food from all types of cuisines. Servings were unusually large for us and felt like a single serving of food was actually good for me...

 HELLO! I know I've been neglectful of my blog recently. This platform hasn't been quite accessible to me for the past few months. But hear me out for a sec because I have great news. I was declared CANCER-FREE last May 2023! I know I'm a few months late but I got busy from school. I had a short teaching stint at my alma mater for Integral Calculus and literally had no time to do anything else. But that's besides the point. LOL I was able to achieve this miracle after my second surgery last July 2022 and my third (and final) radiation therapy last Oct 2022. My fight against Papillary Thyroid Carcinoma had been a four-year struggle. And I never would've made it if not for the love, support, and prayers of my family and friends, people I love and hold dear. Of course, thank You Lord! We gave up everything to You, and You lifted us up. We lift up all glory to Your name. Amen If you are reading this and are still fighting cancer, know that I am praying and rooting for y...

Is it too late to make a welcome post for 2022? I hope not! Lately I've been busy with so many things. I know it's not an excuse but most of the time I've been writing down in my journal the old fashioned way or posting reflections and quotes in my FB page. I've also been trying to do more YT videos which I daresay is doing quite okay despite it rawness. So that's probably why I've neglected my blog. So sorry! :( Nonetheless, I felt that it is only right that I still post one to welcome 2022 here. Hurray for the New Year! New years give us a sense of fresh beginnings, another chance to start anew, and to push for goals to motivate us in the coming months. For me, my January has been pretty set. Since last year, I've been going back and forth to my doctor and unfortunately, my papillary thyroid carcinoma is not yet gone. I have to do another round of radioactive iodine (RAI) therapy this month. I just filed my medical leave and I'm currently on another gr...

For those who are aware of my condition, I experience intermittent hypocalcemia as a complication from my thyroidectomy. Because of this, I experience frequent muscle spasms usually manifested by twitching in my face or hands. On extreme days, I can feel the muscles in my hands, legs, and abdomen tighten. The most alarming would be for hypocalcemia to reach my chest where my heart, also a muscle, is located. Some people experience hypocalcemia just because of the lack of calcium in their diets, or possibly the excess of other chemicals we consume that deter calcium absorption. One popular example of this is caffeine. That is why on days when I experience hypocalcemia, I refrain from drinking coffee. Or at least I take it within reasonable intervals from my calcium supplement. So I take my coffee early in the morning and my calcium supplements at noon. For people like me who experience hypocalcemia on extreme cases, I would recommend seeing a doctor to check if there are underlying cond...

I was literally lying on my bed thinking about how February 2021 passed us by. It is, after all, the shortest month of the year. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. Our romantic Valentine's escapade and other trips aside, February has been tough for me mentally and emotionally. Somehow, I can feel the strain of the pandemic creeping on us more. And it's adding up to the current pressures I already have on hand. There were times that I was dragging my feet from the bed despite the irony of me working in the bedroom. I found myself more clingy than usual with my husband. I feel more secure with him, and I am glad I get to talk to him whenever I feel down or frustrated. He is my safety blanket and ultimate emotional support. Although sometimes I know that I should be able to keep myself together, I feel more comfortable and relaxed when he's just around. I'm also thankful for my other friends who have been patient with me, hearing me out when all I wanted was to talk myself...

January 2021 came swiftly like the 13th month pay we got last year. At first it was the New Year, the first day of the year filled with colors of hope. The next thing we know the whole month had already passed us by and it didn't even feel like we've done much. For me, it has been an exceptionally busy month. January is when we usually pick up the slack the holiday season left us. But it felt like it was for the whole 2020. Meetings here and there were uncommonly long and arduous. Goals had to be verified again and again, taking in consideration the new normal extended this year. I found myself frequently having head and neck pains, probable consequences of mental and emotional exhaustion as well as prolonged sitting. But I cannot complain, not much that is. I am still one of the lucky ones who still have a job despite the pandemic. Also, I've had my medical check up recently and it seems like the fight isn't over. No closure for me and my illness yet. But I am positive...

I will be transitioning to a low iodine diet starting today. This means that I have to avoid eating foods that are rich in iodine. It is quite a challenge to eliminate iodine since it could be found as trace minerals in some food. Not to mention, it is mostly found in foods I love to eat. Low Iodine Diet (LID) is typically prescribed to patients like me with Papillary Thyroid Carcinoma who will undergo Radioactive Iodine therapy or scan. This is to starve any remaining thyroid cells of dietary iodine so that they will effectively absorb the radioactive iodine instead. Depends on the doctor's orders, diets usually last for one week or even a month before the actual intake of radioactive iodine. The goal is to simply reduce iodine intake to less than 50 mcg per day. I'm no expert when it comes to this as I'm only relaying whatever experience and medical research I've had so far. But since I'm having an upcoming scan this end-August, I wanted to consolidate all o...

A new month has arrived! I hope August is a more blessed, healthy, and fruitful month for all of us I was a bit anxious about the start of August. Well primarily because it's when I stop taking my hormones in preparation for my radioactive iodine scan by the end of the month. What does this mean for me? It means my energy levels will go low, I'll have more episodes of hypocalcemia, and I'll probably get fat because my digestive system is going to slow down as well. But I've had worse days I think. At least now I know what to expect so I can prepare ahead. I'm praying that this month will be filled with successes in work and personal life. I pray that my scan will show good results. I'm also praying for less Covid-19 infections and a possible vaccine that can eventually turn things for the better. Hello August 2020! Please be better to us ❤️

I've been obsessing recently on watercolors and watercolor painting. It is evidenced by my piling stock of tubes, palettes, pads, and brushes at home. Acrylic was my standard medium since high school but it can be quite structured and stiff. I recently started watercolor painting last year through a  Makoccino  tutorial in YouTube. Ever since then, I haven't stopped practicing and searching for new ideas to paint. So far, landscapes and silhouettes are my favorite subjects. I have yet to practice more on florals and people which I find quite difficult at the moment. Here are some of my works so far. Unlike acrylic, watercolor is flowy and flexible. It's relatively easier to manipulate in terms of gradient and layering. Each painting has given me so much joy and satisfaction. And I am grateful for the many artists online who are sharing techniques and tutorials for newbies like me. I can see myself painting more in the future, whether as a hobbyist or pr...

Hypocalcemia means having a very low level of calcium in the body. Calcium is not only important for bone development but for nerve and muscle function as well. And this is what my hypocalcemia looks like. How hypocalcemia feels like is a different story. On normal days, my hands or face would simply twitch randomly. But on not-so-good days like the photo above, I can't move my hands properly. My muscles would go stiff, folding my hand involuntarily. I would need to exert some effort just to open my hands or move my fingers. Occasionally, prolonged sitting or trips to the comfort room feel like there are pins and needles all over my feet. I have to move constantly to avoid the traumatizing pain of cramps. On worse days, I can feel the muscles tighten all the way to my stomach or chest. The worst was when I couldn't open my hands anymore, my were arms stiff, and my lips were pursing. It was as if my muscles were shrinking in, making it difficult to move. I had to be admitted to ...

I just finished reading Bo Sanchez' book, "How Your Words Can Change Your World". The anecdotes and reflectios in the book have captured and oftentimes moved me to tears. As I read a new chapter every morning, I feel my heart renewed and reassured in the Lord. Words can truly be powerful. What we think about and say to others dictate how we see and live our life. Words of faith, like that of our prayers, are not just words of affirmation. They channel God's power. As it is said in Proverbs 18:21, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue; those who choose one shall eat its fruit." That is why it's important that we use our words and declare our Faith to create our desired future. Now, I'm more mindful of my words and those of others. In my own way, I will be sharing some short declarations or positive statements in my FB page . I hope these words, when said and believed by many, may be enough to create a new future for us, especially amids...

I haven't posted any blog for a while. I've been trying to post more in my FB page but the recent craziness in the world has made it difficult for me to find time write here. At least for now, I can make a short post. So, how are you? The recent Covid-19 pandemic has sent the countries around the world in health emergencies and lockdowns. Despite many speculations of the virus' origin, the primary concern right now is how to combat the virus and save lives. And while it seems that those who are not directly infected by it are eager to stay at home, it's no easy feat. That is why I am writing and asking "How are you?". Truth is, staying at home for long periods of time is mentally stressful. We've been used to a routine in life like going to work, eating out, meeting with family or friends and many others. But the recent disruptions to this cycle have thrown our lives in chaos. There is tension in the air, panic buying everywhere, complaints here an...

I came across this quote and I immediately fell in love with it. It aptly describes how I felt back when I met my husband in Cebu four years ago. It's also very timely as Valentine's day is approaching. It's about taking chances in love even if there's a possibility of getting hurt, taking a risk despite the uncertainties that come with it. And in taking that chance and its risks, we find meaning and even perhaps love. To those who have fell in love and got hurt again and again, it's no easy feat. But if we can be open to love again, no matter how scary the possibility of being brokenhearted is, the fact we took the chance once more means we will never give up searching for the right person. And in my experience, along with those I knew who waited for quite a long time, God hears our prayers.

January has been a roller-coaster month, not only for me, but for a lot of people I know as well. We've been through some rough times due to the Taal eruption and corona virus scare. Kobe was not my primary sports idol, but his death sent me and everyone else a huge wave of sadness. My worst for the month was probably the loss of a friend, my dear Kurt, due to cancer. Despite the heartbreaks of January, I am still thankful for the many beautiful moments and reunions it brought me. I was able to get a medical clearance to go back to work and travel. I was able to see my friends and colleagues again, catching up with some gatherings that I missed last holiday season. It's also been a very busy month at work. I haven't really been able to catch up on everything and I feel like I have been asking the same things from before. But I am thankful for all the support and understanding from everyone. I feel blessed to be able to work and be more active again. It's been to...

Today, I was able to finally visit the shrine of the Divine Mercy at El Salvador City. I have been meaning to visit since last year but it was only today that I finally had the opportunity to go. Aside from lighting a candle and saying my prayers, I was able to drink the said miraculous water of the shrine. But instead of taking bottles of water like many others, I only took a sip at the fountain. It was not because I did not believe that it would completely heal me, but because I remembered the sick woman who touched Jesus' cloak (Luke 8:43-49). She knew in her heart that if she could only touch Him, even if it were only the edge of His cloak, she would be healed. She knew that it was all she needed. And Jesus said to her, "...your faith has healed you." And so I only took a sip, knowing that it was all I needed for my soul. The water tasted like home. In my heart I know, God has touched me as well. At the foot of the statue of Divine Mercy 

Today I had my follow up check-up a month after my radioactive iodine. I finally got a clearance to go back to work and travel :) But the battle isn't over. As my doctors explained, we have yet to learn the extent of the treatment's effectiveness 6 months after I underwent it. We've done everything that we can and could only pray for the best. Some of my tests were not within the expected range so I am under monitoring. But right now, it's time to move on. If you haven't read my previous blog about my condition, you can read it here . Papillary Carcinoma may be one of the most treatable cancers, but it is what it is. Sometimes the worse scenarios play in my head and I try my best to be practical about it. Sometimes we try to prepare ourselves for anything that could happen. But nothing can really prepare us from the possibilities of permanently losing our voice, or being disabled, or for simply leaving too soon. Like what I said, we've done everything we...

Last Jan 1, Keen and I were able to break free from our 2019 resolution of 'No Beer for the Year.' As we drank our first bottle of ice-cold beer for over a year, we discussed our possible joint resolutions this 2020. There were some suggestions like 'no softdrinks for the year' and 'no meals after 6pm' which were certainly a whole level of difficulty for me and even for Keen. We learned our lesson last 2018 that we shouldn't make unfeasible resolutions that we cannot follow through for the rest of the year. And so after finishing a bottle or two and making some final negotiations, this is our final 2020 resolution: to reach 50 and 60 kilos for me and Keen respectively by the end of the year! It's definitely more challenging for me since I was the one who gained a significant amount of weight during my medical situation last quarter. Nonetheless, I'm enthusiastic about it as I need to be healthier and I want to feel more confident about...

The second decade of the third millennium is about to end. Ten years ago, I never would have guessed that I would be where I am right now. I've had a lot of heartbreaks along the way, definitely did some terrible mistakes as well. But I would not be who I am today if I haven't been through those embarrassing and painful moments. Despite all my previous medical dilemmas, my knee surgery and thyrodectomy, I'm just thankful to be alive and well. I'm thankful that I still get to experience life, that I can still breath well and hear the birds chirp outside my window, that I can still spend time with the people I value and love most. Ten years ago I was only 18, naive but full of hope. I had declared my dreams and how to achieve them. A few years passed then and I was past my deadlines of becoming a manager and being married. Nonetheless, I reached those goals a few years later, not because I was pressured by my overdue deadlines, but because I was ready. And only God ...

I have been meaning to write this for a long time. But since I have been repeating my history to a lot of doctors and medical students since my first confinement, I got lazy and postponed this post. It was until now that I am currently being isolated in the hospital that I have plenty of time to finally write down my journey in battling Papillary Thyroid Carcinoma. Papillary Thyroid Carcinoma, or also known simply as Papillary Carcinoma, is one of the most common type of thyroid cancers. All doctors that I've consulted with also say that it is also one, if not the most, treatable type of cancer as long as its recommended medical treatments are consistently and religiously followed. It all started late January when I felt something in my neck when I swallowed. There was a noticeable lump when I drank water but there was no pain or discomfort. Since I didn't have any fever which would coincide with a possible throat infection, I decided to consult a doctor. Upon a ph...