Daily Reflections - July 2, 2019
I had a deep conversation last night with some ates and kuyas from college. One of them had a fiancé who recently died of brain tumor. We were there to be with him and listen to what happened. Everything was too sudden. He talked about the pain of losing a loved one and not being able to say goodbye to her.
Many things were going around my head as we spoke. I was holding back my tears. I was there to listen to him and not to share my own feelings. But the truth was I was really terrified.
Last Saturday I had a scheduled check up with my doctor for my thyroid. I spoke previously about my condition in a post a few months ago. Back then my biopsy indicated a suspicion of papillary carcinoma. I was hoping to clarify with the doctor why it was just a suspicion and if there's a way to confrim the said suspicion. In short, I was clinging on to some hope that it could not be cancer.
However, my doctor explained that with the biopsy aided by ultrasound, the additional hormone test I took, and the presence of calcifications from the initial ultrasound, the finding was accurate: it really was cancer. The only test I can further take was to take a tissue sample. That is, if I were to subject myself to such procedure, I might as well get an operation to have it removed.
I've been very emotional since the check up. And after last night's conversation about death, being ready, and saying goodbye, I haven't stopped crying every now and then. Even now as I board my plane while I write this, I try to hold back my tears and focus on the journey ahead.
How do you really prepare yourself for such things? Financially, I do my best to put everything in order. But emotionally and mentally, I am at a loss. Will words be enough to truly summarize how we feel, what we wish to say, or how to say goodbye to the people whom we love so much?
I will have an operation to remove my thyroid. I'm currently taking medicine to suppress it until I do so. My doctor is saying it is not aggressive but taking it out is the best option. I am preparing with my husband to make sure that everything will be in order before I get the operation.
Right now, my hopes are in my prayers that God may grant me the courage to face what lies ahead of me.
Many things were going around my head as we spoke. I was holding back my tears. I was there to listen to him and not to share my own feelings. But the truth was I was really terrified.
Last Saturday I had a scheduled check up with my doctor for my thyroid. I spoke previously about my condition in a post a few months ago. Back then my biopsy indicated a suspicion of papillary carcinoma. I was hoping to clarify with the doctor why it was just a suspicion and if there's a way to confrim the said suspicion. In short, I was clinging on to some hope that it could not be cancer.
However, my doctor explained that with the biopsy aided by ultrasound, the additional hormone test I took, and the presence of calcifications from the initial ultrasound, the finding was accurate: it really was cancer. The only test I can further take was to take a tissue sample. That is, if I were to subject myself to such procedure, I might as well get an operation to have it removed.
I've been very emotional since the check up. And after last night's conversation about death, being ready, and saying goodbye, I haven't stopped crying every now and then. Even now as I board my plane while I write this, I try to hold back my tears and focus on the journey ahead.
How do you really prepare yourself for such things? Financially, I do my best to put everything in order. But emotionally and mentally, I am at a loss. Will words be enough to truly summarize how we feel, what we wish to say, or how to say goodbye to the people whom we love so much?
I will have an operation to remove my thyroid. I'm currently taking medicine to suppress it until I do so. My doctor is saying it is not aggressive but taking it out is the best option. I am preparing with my husband to make sure that everything will be in order before I get the operation.
Right now, my hopes are in my prayers that God may grant me the courage to face what lies ahead of me.
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